Lost words
by DeadlyFandoms
Summary: (Saw fanfiction) A lost conversation between John Kramer and Jill Tuck. John tries to explain himself and his theories, it's and inside look into John's mind and his ideas. - (1.3K length drabble. First Saw fanfiction. Reviews make my day.) [COMPLETE]


**Author's notes: H**ello there! **S**o, I've been obsessed with the saw franchise for years, but I've never gotten around to writing any fanfictions, so I have a Saw marathon and brain stormed some ideas!  
**H**ere is the first one, It's just dialogue really, drabble, But personally, I like it and I really hope you do to.  
**T**his is my first ever Saw fanfiction, so…be nice?  
**T**here will defiantly be more to come! :D

**Lost words**

**(John Kramer and Jill Tuck)**

Jill crept through the large workshop doors - squinting as the sudden darkness made her vision blurred. The doors unhurriedly swung shut with a loud and extended creek. Jill could hear shuffling within the depths of the workshop.

"John?" She questioned quietly, but her emotionless voice echoed through the vacant air. The shuffling grew louder and Jill ventured further into the enigmatic space. She was overpowered by a swirling sensation of mystery and worry, what had the man she once loved become? Was he even still the same man?

A different man crawled out from that car accident, and the old John may never be recovered. The footsteps intensity grew and the sound rumbled until Jill felt a hand on her shoulder.

"I told you to stay away, Jill." Jill didn't reply, she ran her vision over the room's interior.  
"John you need to stop this."

"You know nothing of my work, Jill…And the less you know the better."

"Listen to yourself, John!"

"Jill-" Jill stormed forward and grabbed a near by piece of paper, it was home to a sinister sketch, a sketch of some kind of head contraption that has metal spikes sliding into the mouth.

"Look at this, John! This is sickening! It's murder!"

"I never killed anyone!"

"Holding a gun to someone's head and forcing them to pull the trigger is still murder, John!" John froze.

"I don't force anyone to do anything…that's against the rules…They always get a chance."

"A chance at what?"

"Redemption."

"What do you mean? Redemption?"

"The people I test, they are people who have wasted their lives, betrayed the rules of life, always taken their blessings for granted."

"And do you think that's an excuse for what you do?"

"I give them a second chance."

"It's not up to you to 'help' them."

"I'm doing them a favour."

"You're killing people, John!"

"I don't kill-…I've lost everything, Jill."

"I lost Gideon too, John! You think I wasn't broken by what happened that night?!" Jill whimpered slightly, then stood strong, a stern look on her face. "Wasn't I enough for you, John? Remember those years we had together, was it all lies?"

"Of course not…But after we lost Gideon…..I'm dying Jill, and to be told that the forever ticking clock of life is ticking even faster, and that there's no way to slow it down….it's one of those things that instantly shatters your world….I lost my child and slowly my life was slipping away from me, I would lose you and every last blessing that I was gifted with….I drove myself to my death that day, but miraculously I was given a second chance at life."

Jill listened to him, regardless of whether they agreed on their ideas or not. "It's amazing how at one point in your life you're sure that you want to end it all, that you want it to slip away…and yet, when you're faced with death, with the opportunity you craved for, you want nothing more than to clutch hold of this world and never let it go. I took that chance and I saved my own life, I redeemed myself, that day was when I truly saw my blessing, when I saw how lucky I was simply to be alive, after all we only get one chance at that…And that's the realisation I want to give other people, If they truly want to die then I simply make it easier for them. But if they want to live then they can truly understand how lucky they are."

"But why make them prove themselves?"

"Because it's simply not enough to stand there and say you were wrong, in these cases words mean nothing, Jill. If they are willing to endure pain just to stay alive then they have proved it not to me, but to themselves, they have a clearer understanding of their blessings and they can live the rest of their life savouring every last aspect of this world that they encounter."

"If people are taking their life for granted why not let them make their own mistakes?"

"Because doing so is not very charitable act."

"Neither is designing hideous contraptions that torture people!" John ignored Jill's accusations.

"Due to memories, I can make a comparison, and despite my inevitable early death, I still feel better about living now that I understand how precious the gift of life is, and those who do not appreciate that gift do not deserve it. I help people see that as clearly as I do. I help people do that."

"You were helping people before all of this, John. We both were! You remember that don't you?"

"And what happened? The very people that you were helping _took it for granted, _and as a result we both know what happened, you lost something irreplaceable."

"John….-"

"But I've found a better way, Jill! A way that works! I help drug addicts eliminate their addiction, so they can extend and enjoy their life. I help those who have wronged the innocent truly understand their crimes and understand how precious living is, so their grateful for what they have, so the never take it from another soul! Jill this is the way forward! This is the key to happiness!"

"Death, John! That's the reality of all of this! Not redemption, not gratitude and not happiness! It's death. Torture. Have you even seen any of your 'subjects' after their survival?"

"Yes, and I know my methods work. Other people in this world, the ungrateful souls, have taken things from me and-"

"And you put them in a torture mechanism and kill them?"

"No! Listen to me, Jill! I am not a killer!…..I teach them that the gift of life is one that never should be taken, it's a gift the you have to earn from a person's effort in this world. If they earn, they can keep it."

"And you have the right to give that 'gift', do you?"

"Of course not."

"Then why do it in the first place? Give it up! Give it all up, John."

"I can't."

"Why not? At least tell me that."

"I don't know why not, I know I'm helping people, it may be hard for you to understand but I am doing some good in this, world and it's better than most."

"A different man climbed out of that car wreck, the John I knew….he'd see that this is madness."

"The Jill I knew would support me! John sighed. "I have been bettered since my failed suicide….But I want you to know that the love I felt for you has never changed, and it never will." Jill let a single tear escape from her eye. "I'll never forgive myself for what happened at the clinic that night, but I want you to know that you will always be my heart."

"Goodbye, John."

**Author's notes: I **hope you enjoyed it and I hope it wasn't too boring.  
**R**eviews make my day!


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